HOW COULD I HAVE DOUBTED

I stopped looking for you
I stopped waiting for you
I stopped dying for you
and I started dying for myself

I aged rapidly
I became fat in the face
and soft in the gut
and I forgot that I ever loved you

I was old
I had no focus, no mission
I wandered around eating and buying
bigger and bigger clothes
and I forgot why I hated
every long moment that was mine to fill

Why did you come back to me tonight

I can’t even get off this chair
Tears run down my cheeks
I am in love again
I can live like this

  — Leonard Cohen (b. 1934), Canadian poet, composer, author

The Glass

Your body tolls the hour,
The hands spin round and round.
Your face, the focus of light,
Will burn me to the ground.

Losing ourselves in Love
Beneath this counterpane,
Unwinding from its womb
To the all-consuming now,

All day today I die,
I die eternally,
Losing myself in joy.
By one touch you put out time.

  — Carolyn Kizer (b. 1925), American poet.

Going through the process that I have been over the past several months, one of the things that I’ve discovered (not that it was much of a surprise), is that I’m rather resistant to change. I hate it.

I’ve also realized that I need to start making some changes in my life if I want to move forward and not stagnate. Unfortunately; part of this process was getting divorced, which I still wish wasn’t necessary, but maybe it was.

Another is paying more focused attention to my career growth …

So, to that end, I’ve contacted a recruiter (on Kim’s recommendation) to help me find a new job; sent my résumé off to her today.

So I’m making that first small step towards change … and as K’ung fu-tze once said, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”