Much to our surprise, today was Communication Day at work.

Management buttered us all up by bringing in a good lunch from outside, before telling all of us that we are getting no raises, and no bonuses this year.

Even though my division is pretty much the only one in the company that actually made money, we are the ones are going to suffer the most in the current miserable economy. I expected that the raises would go away, although I hoped that firm would trickle down the division’s profits to those of us who helped keep it profitable by becoming more efficient and more effective.

I did not expect that our annual raises would be eliminated as well … I thought they would be drastically reduced, but expected we would still get a small COLA increase. But it was not to be.

Oh sure, yes, I’m glad I still have a job … and overall, I think the economy is going to get worse before it gets better, but I think that my firm has weathered the worst of our own tempest. And yes, our senior executives are foregoing their bonuses as well … but considering how much money they already have, it’s not going to make a huge difference to them.

But I could sure use the money. I’m even thinking about canceling all of my ongoing charitable contributions. But most of the the organizations I support are small; many are local, and are probably already losing funding …

So the dilemma is … do I join the rushing tide? Or do I bite the financial bullet and try to find other ways to reduce my expenditures so I can continue to support good causes?

A friend of mine told me today that “Confidence is sexy. Self-deprecation is not. Choose sexy.”

Life is about making choices … some are easy; but most are not.

That’s been my dilemma for most of my life … what choice to make. Most of the time, I get so paralyzed with fear that I make no choice at all, and I get stuck; mired in a funk of my own making.

And yet, I know that I have the capacity to make choices; strong choices, hard decisions. And generally they’ve been the right decisions. So why do I lack the confidence to continue to make choices? Why do I make fun of myself? Why do I put myself down? And why should I expect anyone else to care about me and want to hang out with me, which I don’t even want to hang out with myself?

Not all choices are easy … but in its own way, even indecision is a choice that people make … and much to my detriment, this seems to be the choice I make the most often.

Right now, I think I’m going to choose to go to bed … maybe my head will be a little more clear in the morning, and I can better articulate what I’m thinking and feeling right now.

Sleep well!