You know what sucks the most about not being married anymore, aside from not being able to see what was (and may still be) my best friend everyday?

Going to bed alone.

Not because of sex, but just having someone there … it’s very comforting. I don’t think I’ve had a really good night’s sleep since August or September 2006; at least not one that wasn’t drug-induced.

I think I miss that more than anything else.

Wonder if I’m ever gonna get any that’s not induced by either prescription or homeopathic drugs or hormones?

Time for an Ambien-induced coma; hopefully I’ll be able to wake up at my normal hour in the morning!

At least I got my good deed in for the day, by taking food to an ailing colleague who is currently recovering from knee surgery, after work this evening …

Snow tonight, snow tomorrow, chances of snow on Wednesday … as long as it keeps dumping, I’m looking forward to heading back up BCC this weeknd.

… the news I’ve been expecting for the past several months finally came a couple days ago … and it’s killing me.

… I haven’t been able to sleep, my gut is acting up, I’m avoiding phone calls, and generally just feeling like a lump …

… no matter how much you think you’re prepared for the inevitable, when it finally happens it’s still difficult to hear …

… so now I think I’ll go vomit, then take a shower, and see if I can make it to work today, unlike yesterday, when I stayed in bed until noon, and crawled back into bed about 8:00 last night …

… thankfully, I have an appointment with my both my psych NP this afternoon and my counsellor tonight, so hopefully talking it out will help get some things off my chest, and if need be a prescription for Ambien so I can get some sleep …

… and I guess I’ll have to find a new counsellor, as well, since K. asked me not to discuss something with the current one (whom she also sees), because “she’s not ready to talk about it, yet” … a totally unfair situation, at least to my mind. Just because she’s not ready to talk about something doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t be able to talk about it and get it off my chest.

Fuck.

I hate this entire situation. I just wish it was over so I could concentrate on healing and moving on with my life.