I know that Friday’s ride barely counts, but this is the fourth day in a row that I have been on the bike. Legs felt good today, but my lungs weren’t really cooperating … was breathing like my HR was in the 170s when it was actually only in the high 140s and low 150s.

Six days until the Crusher, and while I’m still not excited, I feeling a little better than I did yesterday, and certainly more so than I have the past few weeks. I hope this is really the beginning of the turnaround for me emotionally, but we’ll see.

I’ve commented on several occasions in the past about my dysthymia (which I guess is now called “persistent depressive disorder” in the new DSM-V); I’ve been dealing with it long enough to know that it goes through cycles. The main differences between dysthymia (now PDD) and a major depressive disorder are its persistence as a chronic state of mind, and it’s typically not as acute as a major depressive attack.

I’ve found one of the best descriptions of what I go through when I’m really caught up in an episode as follows:

From http://www.mentalhealth.com/home/dx/dysthymic.html

  • Depressed mood for most of the day, for more days than not, as indicated either by subjective account or observation by others, for at least 2 years.

    Note: In children and adolescents, mood can be irritable and duration must be at least 1 year.
  • Presence, while depressed, of two (or more) of the following:

    1. Poor appetite or overeating.
    2. Insomnia or Hypersomnia.
    3. Low energy or fatigue.
    4. Low self-esteem.
    5. Poor concentration or difficulty making decisions.
    6. Feelings of hopelessness.
  • During the 2-year period (1 year for children or adolescents) of the disturbance, the person has never been without the above symptoms for more than 2 months at a time.
  • Criteria for a major depressive disorder may be continuously present for 2 years.
  • The symptoms are not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or another medical condition (e.g., hypothyroidism).
  • The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

Anyone who really knows me will recognize that pretty much all of the above criteria are part of my basic personality make-up to one extent or another …

One of the effects, at least for me, is that it doesn’t matter how good your coaching is either in life or athletic endeavors, if you’ve lost the motivation to do anything the coaching is not going to work. Dave and Breanne at Plan 7 Endurance & Nutrition Coaching have both been very generous with their support, but I can’t help but feeling that I’ve let them down because of my own head problems.

So all I can do for the time being is continue to tell myself that it’s a privilege to be able to ride my bike, that every day I get to ride my bike is a good day no matter how poor my performance, and keep trying to put a positive spin on everything until I work my way through and past my current state.

Current weight: 212.4 lbs (96.3 kg).
2014 mileage: 1307.9 miles (2104.94 km).