The Eleven Commandments of Cyclocross

And Sven Nys spake all these words, saying, I am the Champion, which have brought thee into the land of Belgium, out of the house of bondage.

  1. Thou shalt have no other sports above Cyclocross.
  2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, unless it is Belgian. Thou shalt not take the name of Sven Nys in vain.
  3. Thou shalt ring thy cowbell.
  4. Remember the race day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou train, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord Sven Nys: in it thou shalt race: For in six days the Lord made ready, and raced the seventh day: wherefore the Lord blessed the race day, and hallowed it.
  5. Honour thy mechanic and pit crew: that thy bike may last long upon the course which the race director giveth thee.
  6. Thou shalt not eat toaster waffles from the freezer.
  7. Thou shalt not drink crappy beer, except from the Ribbon of Blue.
  8. Thou shalt not fear mud or snow or off-camber turns.
  9. Thou shalt not ride around the barriers.
  10. Thou shalt not covet thy competitor’s bike, thou shalt not covet thy competitor’s wheels, nor his mechanic, nor his pit crew, nor any thing that is thy competitor’s, except his Dugasts.
  11. Thou shalt never ride through the start/finish lane, unless thou art actively racing.

And all the people saw the mud, and the barriers, and the noise of the cowbell, and the dollar handups: and when the people saw it, they removed, and stood afar off. And Sven Nys said unto the people, Fear not: for Cyclocross is come to prove you, and that mud may be before your faces, that ye wheelsuck not. An run-up of earth and grass thou shalt make unto me, and shalt sacrifice thereon: in all places where Cyclocross records thy name I will come unto thee, and I will bless thee.