Okay … now this is some funny shit … I’ve just snipped an except, but you’ve gotta go read the full thing.

First Draft: Republicanism Explained

Well, I’ve done a lot of observing and thinking, and it seems to me that the Republican party stands for two things.

  1. Tax cuts are the cure for everything, including the common cold.
  2. Fuck you.

And that’s pretty much it.  All of the shit that the Republicans do flows from those two points. 

I know what you’re thinking.  “What about the religious right?”  “What about the anti-science stand?”  “What about the neocons?”  “What about all of the other cherished bullshit of the GOP?”

They can all be explained by number two.  The Republicans don’t really care about God.  They just like to use him to tell people “fuck you.”  Women want to control their own reproductive systems?  Fuck you.  People want to get married to whatever other adult they want?  Fuck you.  There’s overwhelming evidence that life on earth is billions of years old?  Fuck you.

The same applies to their foreign policy.  What, you aren’t happy with us starting a war with a country that never attacked us?  Fuck you.  Don’t like our carbon emissions or bullshit missile defense?  Fuck you.  Pissed off that we abducted and tortured your citizens?  Fuck you.