The Laws of Attraction

Seems like a lot of my friends are wondering if it’s possible for men and women to be friends without the ugly spectre of sex rearing its head.

Here’s my take on the issue, from a guy’s perspective … it is possible to maintain a simple friendship with a woman without the relationship being sexual. But it’s not always easy.

Friendships might have to go through a phase where lame pick-up lines get dropped, but I think most guys just do it because “it’s expected” … and that they wouldn’t really know how to react if the recipient of the line actually said yes. I sure know I wouldn’t know quite what to do if someone responded positively to some of the juvenile raunch that rolls off my tongue.

  • Him: “Hey, wanna f–k?”
  • Her: “Sure!”
  • Him: “Uh … uh … oh crap, what do I do now? … fumble … fumble … oh, I was just kidding, heh heh heh.”

And yeah, I really think that all men are that shallow. The question is whether or not guys can get past thinking with their dicks instead of with their heads and hearts.

Personally, I find women who can school me on a bike or on the slopes extremely attractive … the problem is not letting my self-esteem issues get in the way after that, which could kill any potential attraction back. I will freely admit that there are a number of people that I am attracted to, and I’m sure it’s obvious. I’ve even told some of them exactly how I feel.

But to me, the friendship is way more important, and there’s no way I’d do anything to jeopardize that. At least, I hope not. With at least one of these people, we’ve been able to maintain and build a good friendship over the past couple of years, and I cherish that more than anything else.

Not to mention that, considering where my head is right now, it wouldn’t be a real good idea to get involved with anyone anyway …

I need friends, as much as anyone does, even though I tend to put forward this moody loner façade. And the fact is that I am often (albeit not always) more comfortable being around women than I am being around other men. I’m sure that has to do with being primarily raised by women (my great-grandmother, grandmother, mother, and aunt), since my parents split up when I was young.

The difficult part, as always, is how to keep looking past physical attraction to find out who another person is inside.


  1. It seems there are a number of people in my circle that aren’t ready for relationship. I’m sure you’ve heard me talk about my emotional unavailability. I say just enjoy things and hopefully, when your really ready and healed for the most part you can jump into a passionate relationship.

  2. I think it is possible though you are right it can be very difficult! Sorry my mind is somewhere else so I can’t release what I was thinking…

    I say figure out what you want your consequence to be and then this will tell you to proceed with action. Hormones and and other key factors do play a huge role.

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