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Sometimes …

… I wonder how different my life would be if I grew up with brothers and sisters, and not just a stepsister who was really only part of my life for 4 of my 40+ years, and a stepbrother who was around for even less than that.

I don’t play well with others all the time, and I definitely never learned to share …

I don’t like sharing my stuff with other people, and I’m not always really good about sharing time either; and when I do share a part of my life or a part of myself, sometimes I feel like people take advantage of it, of me, of what I have to offer.

The really hard part for me is that I have problems doing things by halves; if it’s not worth giving 100% to something, then for me it’s generally not worth it at all … I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not, but it’s the way I am.

I’ve been told that when you give with an expectation of getting something in return, that your gift is not sincere; but on the other hand, if you give, and never get anything in return, then only an idiot would continue to give and to give and to give.

It’s all I have to bring today

It’s all I have to bring today —
This, and my heart beside —
This, and my heart, and all the fields —
And all the meadows wide —
Be sure you count — should I forget
Some one the sum could tell —
This, and my heart, and all the Bees
Which in the Clover dwell.

  — Emily Dickinson (1830 – 1886), American Poet