… the news I’ve been expecting for the past several months finally came a couple days ago … and it’s killing me.

… I haven’t been able to sleep, my gut is acting up, I’m avoiding phone calls, and generally just feeling like a lump …

… no matter how much you think you’re prepared for the inevitable, when it finally happens it’s still difficult to hear …

… so now I think I’ll go vomit, then take a shower, and see if I can make it to work today, unlike yesterday, when I stayed in bed until noon, and crawled back into bed about 8:00 last night …

… thankfully, I have an appointment with my both my psych NP this afternoon and my counsellor tonight, so hopefully talking it out will help get some things off my chest, and if need be a prescription for Ambien so I can get some sleep …

… and I guess I’ll have to find a new counsellor, as well, since K. asked me not to discuss something with the current one (whom she also sees), because “she’s not ready to talk about it, yet” … a totally unfair situation, at least to my mind. Just because she’s not ready to talk about something doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t be able to talk about it and get it off my chest.

Fuck.

I hate this entire situation. I just wish it was over so I could concentrate on healing and moving on with my life.