So here’s the thing …

My life is pretty good … I have a good job, I have a wife who loves me, I have some pretty good friends, and I’m relatively healthy.

But I’m pretty miserable.

I’m getting really frustrated with my job, but have no motivation to actually go out and find a new one.

My wife (who is the most important person in my life, other than myself, and often even more so than myself) and I are drifting apart, because I was so fucking scared of being in this relationship that I kept her at arm’s length for the past 5-years. And in trying to get her back, I’m faced with the fact that she feels burned by me, and is now scared to get close again.

I can barely look at my bikes, because I should be riding them; and yet, most of the time all I want to do is sleep. I got my new ‘cross bike a little over a month ago, and it’s only been ridden twice.

I keep flaking on my friends, and I’m afraid I’m going to alienate them … a couple of them haven’t returned recent emails or text messages; and I don’t know if it’s just because they’re busy, or if they’re dropping me.

I’m filled with guilt; I know I’m depressed (my therapist says dysthymic disorder with a little attention deficit disorder thrown it as a kicker).

I am getting help for it (some pharmacological, some psychoanalytical) … but it’s hard to focus on doing the work to make things better. Hmmm … could that be the ADD at work?

More later …

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